Maybe it is my electro-magnetism
Kris is (and undoubtedly so) the most insanely complex and simple man on the planet. Truly a question wrapped in an enigma. I’ve known him for my entire conscious life, really. From the awkwardness of middle school to the awkwardness of college. In that time, I’ve been a stoner, a jazz musician, a stoner, an artist, a rock star, a brain, a comic book artist, and a writer (tentatively). Yet Kris has always been Kris. He loves cars, spending money, and growing up as fast as he can. By this I mean that I’ve never met someone in such a hurry to be married with children. Which, to me, is amazing when I consider how entirely toxic growing up (and by extension, children) fully is[1]. This man was born to be a family man. (He even talked about it in the boy’s locker room in middle school.) But there will be more on that later. For now, let’s look at the insane (yet truly endearing) logic of this man, whom I call my best of friends.
Every Monday (or so, since Kris has recently entered into a relationship that, alas, has no room for me) he and I like to head to a local watering hole. We drink cheap beer, smoke Camel cigarettes, talk about our lives, and of course, gamble. Kris is an RV salesman, so he makes pretty good money. (I say good money coming from the standpoint of, we’re both 22 and I am a broke college student.) He often spots me a twenty while dropping at least a hundred dollars into these (unreasonably) depressing machines. This is how we bond these days. I’m alright with that, if I can at least spend my time with my family-obsessed friend.
Kris is currently engaged to a Russian stripper. She is intense and, I’m sure, quite capable of bench-pressing me. And, as it turns out, she is rather possessive. This, he is quite okay with. He makes it clear that every time he gets engaged (this is the third time) his fiancé will own him. I understand this. It doesn’t mean I’m okay with it. But we still have our Monday night gamble-fest. This is where we can be the friends we've been and talk about how hot the servers are. I come to the bar in a bad mood (usually for no reason other than that I’m usually in a bad mood) and by the time I leave, my spirits are lifted. Must be the free gambling beer and that fact that I’m able to bitch about the things going on in my life, of course while losing my loaned
He says that it’s all about electro-magnetism. I’m still trying to understand this.
“Dude, don’t mess up my electro-magnetism.” He says, staring at the soft glow of the screen. The buttons, pressed with muscle memory and the cards fly past.
“You’re joking, right?” I say, staring at my own glowing screen. My buttons pressed with a little more care, a little more time. The cards sort of saunter past.
“Not even a little bit. The machine can tell when you’re putting out good vibes, and bad ones too. That’s how you win, not by luck, but by…”
“Electro-magnetism.”
“Right.”
I’m not joking. This is how he actually thinks. He says that this is why I never win. I am bad vibes. I am the glass empty. What a dork. Yet, some of me, (not all of me, but some) wants to believe in what he is saying. After all, homeboy usually wins every Monday that we play. Me? I just waste his twenty dollars. I am a cooler[2]. I am the one that never wins. I leave the depressing screen for all to see. It’s not that I do it on purpose. I just have shitty electro-magnetism, I guess.
Anyway, like i previously mentioned, Kris is engaged. (Again.) He met this girl hot off the heels of his last engagement, and felt that he needed to do it again. He wants to be married. He wants to be a dad. He’s an idiot. He’s just him. I can at least respect that he’s always known who he’s wanted to be. (No matter how tied down that may be.) He has come up with his outlook for life and that is more than I can say for a lot of people our age[3]. Kris wants what he wants and understands the concept of electro-magnetism. This is more than I know. I suppose I want to take some of that, and I do admire that he has at least figured out something that he can make sense of. “If you think positively, good things will happen. The world just knows, man.” Fair enough. This speaks far more than my belief in everything happening for no reason. The latter certainly seems more glass empty than the former. His seems much sweeter. Much more Disney. I’m all right with trying to get in on that. Perhaps this is why having an outlook, even one dependent on electro-magnetism is so important. When you have something to hold onto that is completely your own, you don’t feel so “me against the universe”. You actually feel like something or someone is on your side. Cheering you on. Pouring you full glasses of whatever you want. This is important and something I desperately want to learn from my weirdo of a best friend.
So here we are, a Monday night, drinking an gambling. Kris’s electro-magnetism is in full swing and he hits a $300 dollar jackpot while I’m in the bathroom[4]. I walk back and he tells me that, “If you only think positively, then it happens.” And I believe him. I mean I still have yet to hit something worth any amount of note-worthy cash, but he does it almost every time. Maybe it’s more than just thinking that you will win, maybe it’s all in your electro-magnetism. Maybe it’s just having that kind of outlook for everything. I’m not sure. Then he does something weird. He puts some of his winnings back in the machine that just gave him so much. He loses twenty.
“This way, when the next guy comes up to play, he doesn’t see that the machine just paid out. That way he can start fresh.”
“But won’t that discourage him from playing?”
“Just the opposite. This way he doesn’t know that the previous guy just won. This way he can try for what I just got.”
I’m beginning to see what he’s talking about. It’s not so much that you approach everything thinking that the glass has been drunk dry, but rather that you have a chance to pour yourself a cold one. To make your own winnings. That you can make something for yourself. How incredibly attractive. I mean really, if I knew that every time I walked into a bar (or any setting that revolves around winning) I would walk away a richer man, all because of the way I thought, I would never leave the house in a bad mood. I would know, that no matter when I got home, or what I did during the day, that my outlook, my electro-magnetism, played an enormous part. I made my own fate play into what I wanted it to be. I changed my day according to my outlook. It may not work the way you want it to every time, but damn it, the times that it does, would be so much sweeter. It would be something akin to knowing the answers to the test the night before. Anyway, I may still approach the bar stool with thoughts of depression, but for the first time I’m beginning to see how maybe you wouldn’t. Maybe Kris really is onto something. Maybe I’m going to finally understand what it means to be on a winning streak. Maybe the glass is full. Maybe it’s just my electro-magnetism.
[1] See when I say toxic I mean the fact that I am way too young to be thinking about having children or even being married. I understand that some people my age feel differently, but come on, I don’t even think of myself as grown up, so how could I possibly think that I am capable of taking care of a wife and children? Thus being married with children is not awesome. At least right now.
[2] For those unaware, a cooler is one of those un-lucky types that will never win a hand and, consequently, causes all those around them to lose their hard-earned cash. It’s an unfortunate lot to be. I believe there was a movie about it starring William H. Macy. He’s a pretty all right actor.
[3] And what I mean by this is the fact that, or at least from what I’ve seen, most of the kids my age will believe anything that they can so long as it makes them feel better about the decisions they make. A personal outlook will not coincide with what a lot of society tells us that we should or should not have. Companies will tells us that happiness lies in credit cards, or TV’s, or game consoles. A personal outlook that preaches the belief in positive thinking will not gel, namely because that moves away from the kind of hive thinking popular culture thrives on. Kris does not know what the number one single in
[4] Coolers only cool while in close proximity. Or at least I think so.
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